The Stupid Things People Say - part 1

If I had a pound for every time this has happened I would be able to take my children on holiday this summer.

OK, I understand that my name is quite unusual.  I've only ever met one other person called 'Edwina' in my whole life.  Hardly anyone ever calls me 'Edwina.'  I'm Ed, or Eddie or Wubzie (family name).  My Dad sometimes calls me 'Fred'.  However, when I'm introduced it's usually as 'Edwina', this being my proper name.

And do you know what people say when they're introduced to me?  Can you guess?

They say 'Edwina Currie.'

They just come out with it.  And then they look at me expectantly. 

Over the years I have tried all kinds of replies:
Polite answer, laughing as we shake hands - 'Yes, it is quite an unusual name isn't it?  She's the only celebrity I know who shares my name.' 

Jaded answer - 'No.  I'm not Edwina Currie.  Do you think I look like Edwina Currie?'

PMT answer - I just stare at them until they start to sweat.

Edwina Currie is everywhere these days, being interviewed on Radio 4, taking part in discussion programmes, reviewing Thatcher's contribution to christianity.  And so it's started again.

'Let me introduce you to Edwina,' says a friend to a friend at a party.
'Edwina Currie,' says the friend's friend.  I fix a smile to my face and concentrate on not punching friend's friend on the nose.

Maybe I should start doing it back.

'Edwina, this is Helen.'
'Helen Mirren,' I should say.

'Edwina, this is Paul.'
'Paul O' Grady,' I would say.
Do you see how totally stupid this is?  This is NOT me!